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from 9jabook

I am only attracted to dark skinned exotic looking women. I am divorced and have three children that are half-cast and beautiful.

Up until September, I was dating a beautiful African-american woman that I felt extremely fond of, that is we were just a bit shy of being deeply in-love. We fit together well and everyone we met thought so, as well. I felt God had blessed us. But, the story wasn't exactly all good.

When I met her, she told me she was not dating anyone and was completely available. Later, I realized that much of the time we spent together, she wanted to be away from crowds that might recognize her. And, there were long periods of time - days and weeks that she wanted to be left alone. Sometimes, I would call her and she would whisper that she would call me back later and hang up.

One night, early in our relationship, as we were just about to fall asleep together, she told me she was married and asked me what I would do if it were true. I told her she should leave. She, then laughed it off and told me she was kidding. I started thinking about it, though - was she really just pulling my leg?

The relationship went on happily for a few more months and she and I made a commitment to each other that we would always be friends and try our best to be together. My kids became really attached to her, too. We told each other we loved each other and shared many memories, hard times and really fun, good times. We even talked of getting married some day and planned on buying a bigger house together. My thoughts of her being married to someone else faded.

In the meanwhile, I met another friend of hers - a man that she told me was her boss and he stayed at her house occasionally, but that there wasn't anything happening between them. He never indicated that he was anything else to her. But she didn't want me to talk of our relationship around him, nor show affection toward her in his presence. She used my realtionship with my best friend and other friends as examples of her ralationship with her boss. I struggled to believe this, but I didn't want to compromise our trust. I never thought of hiding my feelings for her from my friends. As you might guess, I asked myself "Was this her husband - was she really married, after all?" But, why would God let this happen if she was?

A few more weeks into our relationship, and after having to dodge her "boss" as well as hiding from her nieghbors (for wierd reasons and excuses), it all became obvious to me. She admitted that the "boss" was her husband. His job and extramarital affairs kept him away for most of the time. After telling her that I could not see her any longer, She begged and pleaded and swore that her marriage was dead and they were getting divorced soon - it was only a matter of time. Her stories included stories of his lack of interest in her (and vice versa). She told me of his interest in sexual activities outside marriage and no intamacy was left between her and her husband. She even convinced me that she wanted to marry me. She wanted me to hang in there and trust her, even though she broke that trust with lies. I became very skeptical, but loved her so much by then that I had to try to forgive her and wait it out. I allowed us to continue but with limited intimacy. It is my belief that it is wrong to have intimate relations with a married woman.

As time passed, I began to realize she was not getting a divorce. But I also realized she loved me very much. Another epiphany was that she loved money, which was the driving force for her continued interest in staying married; he is much more wealthy than I, and I was now convinced she never did work for her money. He showered her with gifts and money all the time, but she insisted that she was not intimate with him. I had no proof that she was telling me lies, but it seems odd doesn't it?. So, hope had wained. I had to call it off for good. God's message was clear.

She begged me to remain her friend, even though we would not be able to be the couple we used to be, ever again. I pleaded that we should never see each other again. I felt strong feelings toward her and it hurt me to think of her that way and think of her with other guys. I was her only real friend at the time, though, and I did feel sorry for her loneliness as well as mine.

Later, she kept asking me to go out with her as friends and just spend time with her having some clean fun. I missed her and the fun we had, so I thought I would try for a few times. As we were going out these times, she started flirting with other guys and telling me she wanted to have "one night stands" with them, because she needed some intimacy. Of course, I was jealous and felt like I should be the one, but more so I thought it was wrong. To me, she should get out of a marriage that wasn't working instead of being there for the money and playing the field outside her marriage. It's just wrong! Also during those nights out, she would try to set me up with other girls. She would tell me that I needed to get over her and she wanted me to have someone to keep me company.

When I did date a couple of girls while this ex-girlfriend and I were "being friends", she got extremely jealous and caused problems between me and them. The last time we went out and I was with a date, she got into a fight with my date!

Finally, I gave up and told her my thoughts and quit seeing her altogether. She still calls me and tries to get me to go out.

I still love her and care for her very much and I know she is not having any intimacy with her husband any longer, since he is now living permanently in another state. I talked to her on the phone after he moved out - she called me to tell me about him moving out. But she also told me that they were not planning on a divorce because he thought it would cost him too much. She is now going out a lot, meeting many other guys, but occasionally tries to get me to go out. I've dated a few other girls in the meanwhile, but none of them interest me like her. I still think of her.

Am I being too stubborn? Did I throw away happiness for a mute cause? Am I right - is it wrong to date a married woman, even if you didn't know she was married?

I don't think I can get back with her now, especially with marriage in mind. I don't think I could trust her in that way.

I'd like to hear your thoughts.

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Replies to This Book Discussion

wow what a story himi ! dunno what to say!
Thanks for reading. If you decide to comment after thinking about it, I would be interested in reading it.

This past night (a few hours ago) I did go to meet her at a club. She was happy to see me, but I made it clear that I was there as a friend only. Early in the night, a guy that we met a few weeks ago stopped by to say "Hi". She told me she wanted to shag him (shag-n-go). I still think it is wrong, but I set him up with her and convinced him she would be a good time. So, the night passed and she flirted with him enough that I thought he would take the opportunity.

The reason I was doing this was to give her a reason to stop bothering me and give up her jealousy so that I could meet other girls without her ruining it; she seems to always meet the girls I date.

Unfortunately, she put on the heat too much this night, lol. He decided she was too "loose" for him. He did not know she was married - I didn't tell him cos I didn't want him to back off because of that. Well, I guess he was smarter than me. She called me a little while ago to tell me she didn't shag him and was at home. I wondered why she thought it was any of my business.

It's all drama - wahala for this girl. I'm thinking I made a mistake and she is going to keep asking me to set her up with guys for "shag-n-go". There is one good thing about her behavior: I have more defense against her "charm" she won't be able to talk me back into her ams easily, anymore.
veri interesting and aiso pathetic story i fil 4 u,wel my advice is dat u can stil go bck 2 ha if u stil luv ha and c if she can gt a divorce 4rm ha husband.bt i tink u're nt 2 gt serious wit such women.or do u tink i'm wrong?
I am convinced I can't go back, even if she does divorce him. But I care about her an wish her happiness. She should get a divorce to be happy. I don't think I would be happy with her.

But, you gotta know she is the hottest and most fun girl I had ever been with. When we first dated, I was oblivious of her wahala. When we first dated, I really wasn't trying to get serious; she seemed to be serious and did things to make me love her more over and over. Love faded after I discovered her husband and I question her seriousness, too. I believe, now, she just wanted a boy toy and lover that would do the things her husband would not. She still does things that makes me think there is love there in her mind, though - or,... maybe she is just jealous that she can't have me and it wasn't her choice to stop the relationship.

If a man knows the things I know now, up-front, he probably would not get serious and would understand the games she played. So, you are right. When the right girl is out there somewhere, it seems a waste of time to get serious with one that has no future with you. Though I had a great time, I think I wasted a lot of "serious" time.

Then, again, I think I might get serious with a married woman that was in her position and was seriously in the process of getting a divorce. She is not. It's just a cheater's game.
I'd leave a deep, well-thought-out comment... but I'm reading this late; to paraphrase: find ANY (and I mean any; I have a similar story) way to dismiss her. She won't change this act of hers - at least, not from how you make it sound. You can't force it - and I'm sure there's someone out there who is honest, forthright - AND SINGLE!
True, I think. You are experienced and wise.

MAN she has got you hooked, and well you know it,
if you dont get her out of your life all together she will ruin it, (if she hasnt done already)
she is nothing more than a player a whore a manipulative bitch,
if you dont stop all contact you will never get away,
do it now!!
she lied to you from day one man!!
nobody deserves to be treat like that, have some self respect and throw her to the kerb,
happy to read this kind of view from a woman. Respect


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