jokes

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Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on November 13, 2012 at 3:27pm

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.

His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."

The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."

Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on November 13, 2012 at 3:25pm

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device ... a dildo! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I’ll explain the toy ... you explain the kids."

Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on November 13, 2012 at 3:24pm

A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm the Devil," she responded.

"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister."

Comment by frank adeche Mr Netchurch on October 7, 2012 at 2:53pm

At a Sunday school class, one Sunday
morning, after an interesting topic, the
teacher asked, "Any question?" Little Johnny,
looking puzzled, raised his hand.
Little Johny: "U said the children of Israel
escaped from Egypt?" Teacher: Yes
Little Johny: "U said the children of Israel
crossed the red sea?" Teacher: Yes
Little Johny: "U said the children of Israel also
brought down the mighty walls of 

Jericho?
Teacher: "Yes Johnny!" "What exactly is your
question?"
Little Johny: "When the children of Israel were
doing all this, where exactly were the adults
of Israel??"
#teacher kept quiet#

Comment by 9jabook.com webmadam on September 12, 2012 at 6:54am

Breaking News: CBN Bows to Pressure; Introduces 4950 Naira Note instead.

Comment by 9jabook.com on July 4, 2012 at 1:35pm

A young man fainted in front of Mr Biggs and people started shouting bring water,bring water.
Suddenly the guy wakes up and shouts at them ''una dey mad, if na water dey hungry me, nor be front of water board I for faint?"

Comment by Adams Ehcohe Elaigwu on June 22, 2012 at 5:27pm

POLICE AND  MY DADDY ……??!!

On Lagos-Ibadan express road, when my Dad Who happen to a Pastor met a team of policemen who, quite
naturally, wanted 'something' from him. Since he was not prepared to
play their games, they asked for his papers and having combed through everything
without any offence with which to nail My 'stubborn' Daddy, they now
asked him to open the bonnet of his car.

A careful scrutiny of the engine number against what was on paper revealed that
letter 'U' was written in such a way that it could be mistaken for letter 'V'. That
was all the officer-in-charge needed to shout "stolen vehicle!"

Sensing trouble, even when he knew he committed no offence, My Daddy  called the OC to say he was a priest to which the officer replied :"Please, leave that
pastor thing...in any case, if you are indeed a pastor, then you must have a
Bible in your car, bring it."

My Dad did as was commanded after which the officer now ordered:
"Please read Matthew 5:25-26 to me".
The incredulous Pastor opened to the recommended passage and read:
"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth; you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."

My Daddy just quietly made an "offering" of "just" N100 to his newly found "preacher".

Comment by 9jabook.com on June 1, 2012 at 11:09am

"an ijebu man was owing an ibo man 100,000naira the ibo man had been on his neck for a while for payment to be made ."

he however had no intention of paying the ibo man until 3months later ..the ijebu man however thought let me stall him and gave the ibo man a cheque for 100,000naira and went on a business trip .. the ibo man surprised did some investigations with his bank friends at the ijebu mans bank and found out the ijebu man had only 97k in his account meaning his cheque would surely bounce. The Ijebu man came back from his trip and found to his dismay the Ibo man's cheque had cleared and his account was zero .he was shocked and went to the bank .there was one payment into his account of 3,100naira by the Ibo man with reference ..nna dis na emeka now you dey owe me 3,100naira de 100naira na for da bank charges !

just now

 

Comment by Ayiki Jerry Asanato on May 20, 2012 at 1:23pm

today I'm not drunk, i am going home with my clear teeth's. 

Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on May 15, 2012 at 11:54am

Son:"Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this
awesome girl!"
Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter"
father: "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that. I
have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is
actually your sister." The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple
of months
later ... Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again n she is
even hotter!" Father: "That's great son. Who is
she?" Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's
daughter." Father: "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that.
Angela is also your sister."
This went on couple of times and the son was
so mad, he went straight to his mother
crying. Son: "Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in
love with six girls but I can't date any of them because
dad is their father!" The mother hugs him
affectionately and says: "My love, you can date
whoever you want. Dont listen to him He
isn't your father."

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