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Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on November 14, 2012 at 4:35pm

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said: "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on November 14, 2012 at 3:02pm

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator ..."

Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on November 14, 2012 at 2:15pm

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs."

The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,".

And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"

Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on November 14, 2012 at 1:38pm

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on November 14, 2012 at 1:32pm

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," He responded.

"Oh, killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?

He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on November 14, 2012 at 10:46am

A man says to his wife: "Tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."

His wife replies: "You have a bigger willy than your brother!"

Comment by 9jabook.com webmadam on November 13, 2012 at 5:47pm

Yesterday Evening Akpors and Ejiro entered a shop. Ejiro stole 3 chocolates and hid them inside his pocket. After they left the shop, Ejiro showed Akpors the chocolate and said; i am good in stealing. Akpors said; well, Ejiro, let us go backto the shop, i will show you the right way to steal. They went back. Akporsased the shop boy; oboy, you won see magic? The shop boy replied; yes, show me. Akpors said; oya give me one chocolate. The shop boy gave him, heate it. Akpors said; give me another one, the boy gave him, he ate it. Akpors said give me another one, theboy gave him, he ate it. Then the shop boy requested; were the magic? Akpors replied: check Ejiro my friend pocket, you go see all the chocolate wey i chop just now

Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on November 13, 2012 at 4:29pm

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker

told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man

thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and

you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take

that chance."

Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on November 13, 2012 at 3:31pm

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

"You're running around with other women," she charged.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs!"

Comment by Gbenga WebBirthday on November 13, 2012 at 3:29pm

After an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets the lawbreaker to pull over.

"You know," says the cop, "I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out. Why the hell did you take off like that?"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

 

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