This is recommended for immediate implementation
Where and/if applicable.
HOME INTERNAL MEMO
TO: ALL DEPENDANTS AND RELATIVES
DATE: JUNE, 2009
SUBJECT: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN/COST CUTTING MEASURES FOR YOUR URGENT ATTENTION
Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and
regulations have been revised as below and under no circumstance is
any violation going to be accepted.
1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry
and/or passage shall require express permission from me upon
submission of written request.
2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be discussed!
3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and
milk are restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs
must write to me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving
justifications backed by a qualified dietician report as supportive
4. Watering with hoses is banned. Further, only food-giving plants
shall be watered. No lawns or flowers shall receive water. For
internal decoration, only plastic and dry-flower arrangements shall be
5. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day per
person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical
6. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. All
dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make
7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to
offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to
listen to music shall sing for them.
8. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or
Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of
ejection from the House.
9. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in the
House, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhere
to earn money to replace such broken item(s).
10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply
in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from
their town Mayor, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing
reasons why they can't stay at their homes. Failure to do this shall
result in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrival
THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!
DAD (Domestic Affairs Director)