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Sunday Sermon: What does Baba God want from us sef ? A question of Hilarious proportions

Written in queens English with a touch of naija pidgin and occasional kokomaster Dbanj lyrics .. Oshe !  Hmmmmmm.

 

What does God want A writers impression of what God might want  .

 

ps not everyone will understand this Story Retell .. Thanks ! 

 

Ok here it is :

 

We know what we want from God but what does he want. We want good Jobs ,wives and husbands ,protection  power , fame ,good health .

Haba someone please tell me what does Jehovah want at least what does he want from us !

 

No Chop Fruit ! 

 

Baba God but Fruit is good for the body o ! 

Lets Start from the first man Adam . All baba God wanted from Adam was a simple amendment to his regular diet . Beware of Apples ! The forbidding fruit of knowledge of good and evil. But we know the rest of the story .Eve chop am Adam join am Devil laugh last or did he ?

 

 I want a boat !

Next person to show up as we will select from the list of people that God wanted something from was Noah . God needed a ship large enough to carry him and his family and two of every animal on earth then, some say this is where the dinosaurs got left behind in that end of the world prophecy that came true no thanks to Harold Camping and the rest of his may 2011 the world is ending congregation.

Back to old man Noah and his large canoe..

Somehow a special ship name was given to it . Ark ! Not hark the angels sing , not even ark of the covenant but Noahs Ark !  You see how ark is one word God likes .

 Well God got what he wanted this time from a man, saved him and his family and all the wonderful animals we see now on earth and killed d all the bad guys maybe some dinosaurs too .

 

Ok, but then he wanted more !

 

Then comes honest Abe aka abram aka Father of many Nations .You see  God wanted a people . A people called out to be a priesthood of nations from every tribe and he had looked up and down the world and was about to hiss mchew like some naija babes do when they look a man up and down  ! But then gbosa !

 

"Abraham dey there ? He dey o  he dey he dey he dey !" (una know dat church song ? I hope so o ! )  "Alleluia Amen Amen Amen ....."   ok Ozugo to dis praise and worship ! 

 

 I want an Abraham

 

meaning He wants a Father of many nations ! See Angels running up and down the world looking for Abraham dem no see na im one sharp ogbonge Angel come think well . Abram dey for Haran o ! Abram means High Father or in todays parlance you can call him Big daddy !  and him come put two and two together because abram and abraham no mean the same thing but him come make one psyhchological angelical calculation wey Baba God sabi dey call things which be not as though they were and vice versa . na him the Angel  shout o !

 

 

Angel: Oga kpatakpata of all the Oga kpatakpata The Ancient of Days I See am for Haran !

 

Baba God bolted to haran. O yes God sabi run where you think say Usaini Bolton get him name from and  of course God no dey carry last ! .

 

Looks like God is getting what he wants abi ?

Abraham obviously had wanted something maybe  long before he got his new name and by now must have given up !

Ok ok no long tin as Dbanj dey talk .  he wanted a son ! he had given up on this heir business sotay Sarah his very very ogbonofelifeli wife am hotter than hagar according to Dbanjs koko way of calling fine woman fine ! She begin to dey laugh for her belle ! Like you dey laff by now at this tori wey I dey yarn for 9jabookuru !

Wetin God want o ! odikwa risky as iboman dey talk .

God now said Sarah will give birth to a child of promise. His name will be Isaac . To cut tory short Dem come born isaac eh !

Get bingo ?

After some odd years God seemingly wanted something else, he wanted blood ! Blood of Jesus ? No ! Blood of ewu,ram,nama or nkita like some calabar and ondo peeps ? Kai ! Him come want am for Isaac death shikena !

Did Abraham want this too ?

Of course not ! but dis na baba God bring dis pickin o and me sef i believe say he fit bring am back to life ....

Abraham:ISAAC o ! make we go make sacrifice to Baba God .

Isaac: Popsie we no go take sacrifice ?  ( poor boy JJC )

Abraham:Baba God go provide o ! ( na im give you to us anyway ! )

Isaac the dutiful son: I trust baba God ! 

 

 

 

 Are you getting the idea now ... Of what God wants from you ?

He wanted Abrahams dream that he waited for many long years for ,he wanted him to turn it into a nightmare!

 

Na which kind God be dis owey eh eh eh eh !

 

pls forgive our language on this article it is one of the Things that God wants too ! 

 

 To be continued if Jesus Tarries ..

 

 

"I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the LORD your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life"

 

Luke 10:27 He answered: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

 

Re edited for english speaking Christians and non Christians if possible by frank Adeche Mr Netchurch and for 9jabook.com ! 

All Language translations if any are from the original English, hausa ibo Yoruba and some efik all others we say oshe !  to the kokomaster Dbanj and his sidekick wey dey always carry stick not Goodluck but  Don Jazzy and their new Dog Snoop Doggie dog wey BabaGod love too like you and me .. 

 

All rights unreserved all parts of this publication can be pirated to your hearts content .

 

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Comment by Moses K Tawose on May 30, 2011 at 10:14pm
All he wants from us is to trust him and surrender all to him unhindered no matter what~~~~~~Gbam!!!
Comment by Paul "EFCC" Hawk Adams on May 29, 2011 at 8:05am
Blood versus the Word ! In the beginning God Said ! .......................................
In the beginning was the blood ??? and the blood was with God ?  NO ! 
It was the Word ! 
And the Word was/is GOD ! 
The Word Won since the beginnning !
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