... Effects Of Global Economic Meltdown ...

Dear All.This is recommended for immediate implementationWhere and/if applicable.Happy weekend.CheerssssssssssssssssssssssHOME INTERNAL MEMOFROM: DADTO: ALL DEPENDANTS AND RELATIVESCC: MOTHERDATE: JUNE, 2009SUBJECT: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN/COST CUTTING MEASURES FOR YOUR URGENT ATTENTIONDue to the current economic situation, all domestic rules andregulations have been revised as below and under no circumstance isany violation going to be accepted.1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entryand/or passage shall require express permission from me uponsubmission of written request.2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be discussed!3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread andmilk are restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffsmust write to me in triplicate, with three days notice, givingjustifications backed by a qualified dietician report as supportivedocumentation.4. Watering with hoses is banned. Further, only food-giving plantsshall be watered. No lawns or flowers shall receive water. Forinternal decoration, only plastic and dry-flower arrangements shall bepermitted.5. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day perperson while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medicalreasons.6. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. Alldependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall makeavailable shortly.7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt tooffer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests tolisten to music shall sing for them.8. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council orCourt Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty ofejection from the House.9. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in theHouse, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhereto earn money to replace such broken item(s).10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall applyin triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement fromtheir town Mayor, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincingreasons why they can't stay at their homes. Failure to do this shallresult in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrivalTHESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!Signed:DAD (Domestic Affairs Director)
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