HOW TO PLAY VALENTINE'S GAME

Think of Valentine's Day as a game like Monopoly. You'll probably spend your cash like it's play money. If you invest money in nice hotels, you'll monopolise his time and if you impress him, you'll earn a "get out of jail free" card. But seriously, it's the moves you make on February 14 that will determine if you win free (overnight) parking at his apartment. So don't leave it to "chance." Here are all the tips and hints you'll need counting down to V-day.1. You should never ask a guy, "What do you want for Valentine's Day?" The best present is to show that you "get him," which means you don't have to ask.2. If you listen to him, he'll throw you a few hints. Look out for comments like, "I really need a ___," "His top is so cool," "When's the last time we spent the day together?", or "We've never been to that restaurant!" If he says anything like this, that means he wants it.3. Avoid any stuffed animal holding a cheap, red heart-shaped box. The entire red and pink aisle at Priceline should only be scouted by high school freshmen boys.4. If he bugs you for a massage every night, book her one with a professional. Can't bear someone else's hands all over him? Pretend he's at a spa and you're the masseuse. Buy massage oil, set up a table, and rub his back until he tells you to stop. It'll be happy ending for all...5. Valentine's Day is not all about material objects. In fact, the more material it is, the less impressed she'll be. An electric razor? He'll be more likely to let his legs go prickly in protest than use it. If you want to purchase something, stick to the jewellery and sexy underwear etc..6. You can cook a nice dinner, light a few candles, and share a decadent dessert, and it'll be more meaningful and intimate than any high-priced restaurant reservation.7. Pick up or order a pricier bottle. Life's too short to drink cheap wine.8. Don't wait until the last minute to pick out flowers. All you'll get is the last dog-eared bouquet. Actually, forget the flowers. They're overpriced this time of year, and you should really only give them when you want to cheer him up or say, "I'm sorry." They're the most last-minute gift you can give.9. ...Unless you use the flowers more creatively. For some reason, some men get wound up seeing roses torn up in little pieces and covering the bed or floating in a warm bubble bath you've drawn for us.10. In the beginning of a serious relationship, get him a baby-potted plant. Attach a note that says, "I hope our relationship grows." If he waters it, he wants to keep you. And if you end up beginning with him, it'll be a great memory.11. Write him a poem. Even if it sounds like one of Adam Sandler's ballads, nothing says love like, "Your butt looks so good in those jeans - I promise next time, I'll lay off the beans."12. If it's booked, don't panic. You want to take him on a Valentine's weekend getaway, but all the places you choose aren't available. Don't ditch the idea. Choose another weekend. We won't mind the wait as long as you tell us what's in store.13. Don't leave all the nasty chocolates in the box you gave him.14. Never sign a card with just "Love, Larry." We skim over all the commercially printed words on there to see if you've written a message from your heart. If words really can't express how you feel about us, then you better draw a picture.15. Don't go too crazy your first few Valentine's Day's. Remember, every year you'll be expected to top last year's gift. Pace yourself.Itbenz
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