Events had already dictated the tune of my blog this morning before I got round to writing.... So on my walk this morning, my mind mostly dwelt along the line of thought I am about to share....Some people posed a question to Jesus about a hypothetical woman who had married seven different men, wanting to know who her husband would be on the ressurrection day... Jesus’s answer was quite insightful for me... He said to them that there was nothing like marriage or being married after our life here.... Meaning basically, that marriage is for this plain... Spirits (which is what we’ll be when we lose this body) are not involved in marriages and do not get married.... All of the activities that have to do with marriage are strictly for this plain... My point is that, marriage is a physical thing that mirrors a spiritual truth.... It’s a mirror of the relationship of christ with the church and so on and so forth.... I have said all of this to say (and this is my opinion), that marrige is a physical thing and we are responsible for our choices.... We can prayerfully choose or outwardly choose, but the choice is ours.... God does not choose.. we can take our choice to him and have him bless it, we can involve him in our choice process (if we are tight with him like that) but he will not choose for us.... We make the choice...In making our choice, I have found out that a lot of dynamics come into play... And because we have all being primed, by our families, our faith, our beliefs, our society, our ‘status’, our spirituality, our experiences we have different tastes and diffeent proclivities... Our choices are really a product of all of these different conditions and while some pass people they meet through their ‘primed state’(and we all are primed) test without even realising it, others do it conciously and we who do it subconciously,(but who do it all the same) refer to those who do it deliberately as calculating.....It even gets more interesting because all of these factors that have primed us, we further divide into two categories so I have come to realise that we all have this 20- 80 rule thing going on..... Let me explain....The basic things you expect from a partner is your 80 but the things that sort of add ‘zest’ to those things, are the 20.... Take for instance, you are a guy.. You would like a gentle soft spoken woman for a wife... who is intelligent, cooks well,... kind, loving and bla bla bla... that’s your 80..But you also have this thing for busty women ..... You don’t know why, but you really do not find flat chested women attractive... they simply do not do it for you.... That’s your 20.... Or you are a woman, you would like a man who is spiritual, kind, considerate, respectful, visionary, hardworking, result producing...bla bla bla....That is your 80.. But style just does it for you.... You don’t know why, but you like guys with style... that’s your 20..... Your 20 can be a guy’s spirituality, it can be their shape and form, it can be their social skills, their use of language, their style, their cooking skills, their family, their jobs, their social status, their sexiness, ...it can be anything...As funny as it may sound, 20’s have been know to determine the ‘do ableness’ (if there is such a word) of a relationship..... Sometimes, the 20’s can be worked on.. let me give an example... I had this close friend a while back, who had this close friend..(you know how it is) who was being chased by this guy.... And he was really serious... he was a christian(committed), he had a good job, he was nice...(now watch the 20 slowly creep in)...... But his english was bad.... You know it happens to the best of us... He just did not know where to use his tenses .. His 80’s just paled whenever he opened his mouth to speak... It used to upset her so much...So one day when the guy won’t give up and just kept coming.(and she not being completely blind to his 80’s),she told him he had to improve on his english for it to work out... He agreed .. and she bought lexis and structure textbooks and started to tutor him... (seriously, it happened).... She was willing to recognise that her 20 could be improved upon and he was willing to learn...so that scenerio worked out...There are some things that can be learnt (afterall, are we not here to improve on eachother) .The bible says Iron sharpeneth Iron... Social graces can be acquired... style can be acquired... It’s not always that simple though, because sometimes, some people’s 20 is something you can do nothing about.... If a guy’s 20 is busty women and you are flat chested, or a guy’s height doesn’t do it for you.. there is hardly anything they can do about that... having said that, we must all recognise where a shift can be made to balance out the equation and be prepared to make adjustments and sacrifices for the sake of our relationships....We all have our 80’s and 20’s wether we admit it to ourselves or not(and it’s usually better if we do).... But we should also watch out for times when we can work on our 20’s ..and if can’t be workedon,...Well what can I say..... You’ll both have to decide!!!....
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