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Advise me: my husband jilted me for my friend and met his end, she died also .am I to blame ?

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It is a strange world we live, where friends snatch their friends' husband Our writer today needs your advice to go on with her life after her husband left her for her best friend. Please, read and advise her. Thanks,


My name is Funmi. I met my husband in Ondo State after my NCE programme. We were friends for sometime but later things started getting serious between us. Dare was very understanding and caring and, moreover, we are from the same town. This earned him my family's love.


Dare was not educated; he dropped out of school because of financial constraint. I didn’t see that as a problem because I believe Dare would go back to school when things get better for him.

In the interim, he learnt tailoring somewhere in town. The love I had for him then did not allow me to see anything wrong in what he was doing.

I got transferred to Ibadan to teach in a primary school and, after, I persuaded Dare to join me so that we could continue our relationship. He did not agree at first, but after so much persuasion, he agreed. We started living together.

For about three years, Dare could not lay his hands on anything; he was always complaining that there were no customers. When things did not get better, he said he wanted to be a cab driver, I agreed with him and we saved some money and bought him a Mistibushi car.

After some months, I discovered that I was pregnant and well, Dare did not deny this and he was ready to marry me. My parents were not happy with me because I got pregnant before marriage, but because Dare was ready to have my hand in marriage they had no choice, they conceeded. The wedding day was fixed and we started preparing.

I called my childhood friend, Funke, to inform her of my intentions and also to ask her to be my chief bride’s maid. Funke had been in Ibadan before I relocated there. She and I went for shopping in preparation for the wedding.

Funke was very supportive even after the wedding, she was a shoulder to lean on. Our friendship took another dimension after; we got closer.

I forgot to tell you that she was a fashion designer too and things were quite okay with her, so I advised her to try and get a man to settle down with and to this, we started praying for a God-sent man who would be her husband.

In due time, God answered our prayers; a brother to one of her customers showed interest in her and after some months, they did introduction and started living together; this was when I had my first baby, a girl.

Just like a true friend, Funke played a prominent role during the naming ceremony; it was as if it was her child and after some months, she also became pregnant, and my advice to her as a friend was that she should formalise the wedding so that she would not have the baby out of wedlock. She took my advice and got married.

After some years, my husband started behaving funny; he started keeping late nights. He neglected his responsibilities at home and stopped caring for the children.

I became worried over this and raised the issue with him, but all to no avail; he wouldn't bulge.

I was itching so much to pour out my mind to someone but I couldn't since Funke rarely came visiting like before and I was also very busy with my work. However, I went to our home town to report Dare to his people; I didn't know I was digging the grave for my marriage. By the time I got home, Dare had completely abandoned the children and went away.

The children later told me that he came the night I left for Ondo, asked after me and went ahead to pack some of his clothes and went out that night. I was perplexed when I heard this. Where could he have gone to?

Nobody knew his whereabouts. I tried to look for him, but to no avail. On a fateful day, Lekan, one of my children, said he saw him around Funke’s place at night. My heart beat with hope and I thought I had found my man. But the boy reported that when Dare saw him, he didn’t say anything but went in quietly into Funke’s apartment.

I was shocked and confused and wondered what he could be doing in Funke’s flat at that time of the night. When Lekan sensed I was very worried he let the cat out of the bag. He said one of Funke's sons in his school had told him secretly that Dare had been in their house all these while.

I was so confused at that piece of information that I almost ran crazy. I cried myself to sleep that night. The following morning, I decided to see Funke to confirm what Lekan had told me. To my surprise, I saw Funke with a bulging tummy! Of course, she couldn’t have been impregnated by her husband who had been in London.

She was shocked when she saw me but she summoned courage and confronted me when I asked about Dare. To my utmost shock, Funke ordered me out of her house and warned me not to come there again. She shouted on me and called me all sorts of names.

I was dumbfounded even as passersby were asking me what happened, I couldn’t say anything. I couldn't believe Dare and my best friend could connive to do this to me. I accepted my fate and pulled myself together.

I knew I needed the strength to bring up my children and to continue with my life. I got closer to God. However, I later learnt that Dare and Funke had packed out of the house to live in a street, not quite far from ours.

Funke gave birth some months after and had a baby boy. I learnt that some people in our street attended the naming ceremony. I didn't allow that to bother me as I was ready to go on with my life without him.

It wasn't long after this, that I heard the rumour that Dare was sick and was admitted to a hospital. I pitied him and wanted to go and see him, but I didn't want Funke to see me and start calling me names. Things, however, did not get better for him because he died after some weeks.

I felt terrible and cried bitterly. As if this was not enough, some weeks after, Funke also died mysteriously. Taiwo, this was the last straw that broke the camel's back. People on the street believed I did something; they accused me and called me a witch, alleging that I was the brain behind their deaths.

This was enough pain for me and my children. How could I have done a thing like that, after all he left me and my children and met his end. How am I to be blamed? Please, advise me on what to do.

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Comment by joe on October 28, 2009 at 7:16pm
woman as you have said ur hand is not their death, so dont worry the bible said that vengance is of the lord, the lord have fight for u, go ahead wit ur life and pray God to give u what you use take care of children
Comment by Igwe2 on October 28, 2009 at 4:19pm
Its a pity nw our days stuff like this go around town. The best advice I should give u is to get closer to God, establish urself in his presence. whatever u decide to do with ur life put all in God's hands. I myself I could tell u a story.There's this friend of mine who was married unfortunately she told me everything about the guy to date the guy spent only N5,000 on her. He works in Bayesla state while she is based in Lagos in ojodu as a banker the guy is an engineer i.e into building, road construction etc now his latest choice is politics. Things are not going well for them and she is complaining bitterly everyday, I have been close to her and being a pillar of support to her all the time. She does not care one bit how I support her the minute am drained from financial pressure the situation changes, she has decided to divorce him and go for me though am not comfortable with the plan coz I have my own future to think about. She calls me to say she misses me but I ignore all the calls. I am in a situation like urs only that I have to be wise in my decisions. (learn from this)
Comment by Ulaka Patience on October 28, 2009 at 1:35pm
meeeen dis a sad story well, i will say that you are not at fault at all. it is only if you have a hand in their death that is when it will be your fault. woman i hope you are clean any way cause this type of situation calls for accusation. well just pray to God for strength upon you to continue with your life and to take care of the children He has given you. "the wicked will never go unpunished" it could be stheir own way of punishment who knows?
Comment by UDEME EMMANUEL on October 28, 2009 at 11:15am
WOMAN, it is not ya fault, unless you have a hand in it. but if deep inside of you, you know you are clean then it is just a price they have to pay. Afterall, "The evil that men do, lives with them now and not after them."
Comment by Adibe Kingsley Okechukwu on October 28, 2009 at 12:02am
YOu should no that there is no rest for the wicked... everything we do has his own oay back coins... but clear concience fear no accusation....If you are clean and did not do anything to hurt them... you should move on for the lord will strengthen thee out from Zion... you might be anointed spiritually... and the bible got some promises on that... Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm... You are made whole if you clean move and stay firm in your doings...
Comment by atanda titilope lopez on October 27, 2009 at 11:41pm
u to blame cos you just too dull for him.forget about the story.u need treatment.
Comment by Momoh Felix Sumaila on October 27, 2009 at 5:21pm
Funke got married to a man that is not in the Country. A taboo is a Taboo. Let us have a look at this Suggestion. What if the Real Legitimate Husband of Funke is a Diabolic man or is Family members are Diabolic? What do you guys thinks that will happen
Comment by Clemon on October 27, 2009 at 5:10pm
Only God can vindicate you in all these problems. Relocate to another place or State and continue your life. God will send helper to you. Secondly it could be HIV/AIDs and both of them are ashamed and they decided to do something about it to cover their shame, no one can tell except God who knows everything. Take care of your children. If you have not yet given your life to Jesus, please I beg you do so because the battle is still on for you as both parents will think you are the cause, do that so that when the problems comes God will fight for you and you will hold your peace but if not well it will be too bad for you and the children. The Lord will shield you and your children from every arrows of the evil ones. Amen.
Comment by Clemon on October 27, 2009 at 5:04pm
Are you born again? Are very convinced that you have no hands in their death? If yes to these questions then leave everything to God because He says vengeance is mine and I will avenge. In Yoruba tradition, you're the first suspect and since Funke is your friend and she knows both you and Dare very well be snatching him away from you.
Comment by ALLISON IBIKARI DAGOGO on October 27, 2009 at 3:21pm
THERE IS A SAYING THAT GOES LIKE THIS:''WHAT GOES ROUND COMES BACK AROUND,WHAT EVER U SOW THAT SHALL U REAP''.THEY MET THEIR WOEFUL END COS OF THE WRONG DEEDS THEY AVE DONE.MY ADVICE TO U IS TO GO AHEAD WITH UR LIFE,UR WORK N CONTINUE TAKIN KIA OF UR CHILDREN.MAYBE RELOCATE SOMEWHERE ELSE N START A NEW LIFE.ALWAYS PRAY FOR UR LATE HUSBAND N UR FRIEND AS TWO WRONGS CAN NEVER MAKE A RIGHT.ALWAYS B PRAYERFUL INFACT THAT IS THE KEY N ALWAYS DO THAT WHICH IS RIGHT N NOBLE IN THE SIGHT OF THR LORD.MAY THE GOOD LORD B WITH U,AMEN.
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