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Beware of 'hot' love

Kemi ashefon.

SENI, 35, is heartbroken. But that was not her state a few months back. "Then, I was excited to have got a mate after many years of searching," recalls Seni. "Dehinde came and proposed to me. He had seen my picture on my friend's laptop in his office and decided to call. By the time we went on our third date, he told me he was single, was searching and was ready to get married within six months.

Live-in lovers, live-in trouble

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"That was what I needed to hear. Promptly, I started telling everyone who cared to listen that I was getting married. Dehinde was not talkative about it, but smiled whenever I told a friend or relative about our wedding plans. He said our honeymoon was going to be in the Caribbean and I would have to stay abroad and have our baby when I got pregnant.

"Though he had an old car he was using, he was expecting a contract worth billions of naira and would change his and mine. Little wonder, I quickly gave in to his suggestion that we sold my car, got a house and used a part for furniture. I was in love and all that he suggested were accepted.

"I sold my car, which was worth N1.2m at N700, 000. I sold my jewellery and my shares for the new set of furniture he desired and to buy him a brand new car. I was happy doing all this because I wanted a home and a husband. I was happier when our wedding invitation cards were out and eventually, we got married.

"I settled down to my new life, only to discover I was the third wife he would be marrying in seven years. Two other women had kids for him, but later divorced him due to his womanising ways. He confessed these to me when I discovered some strange text messages in his phone and some receipts of school fees he paid.

"He had five kids. After a year, he stopped coming home and was said to be dating another lady. It was a terrible year for me: two miscarriages, lost my job due to negligence, was broke and had to run back to my sisters for help. Just two months ago, I heard he was married again. I'm back to my single state and so scared to date again."

Seni was not the only victim. Mike, 32, met Meg at a party. "I was 32 and my mother wanted me to get married," he says. "Not that I was desperate, but I wanted to get it over with marriage and children so that I could face my career. Meg was 22, looked innocent and was an undergraduate.

"I fell head over heels in love with her and took up her educational expenses. I was shocked recently when she decided to call off the relationship. She confessed to me that she was seeing another guy, where she was having her internship.

"Though she confessed to have loved me, her other excuses were that we quarrelled a lot on the phone and she could not cope with the distance (I was in Abuja; she in Lagos) because she believed in regular physical contact. She confessed to have slept with the guy and left me with no assurance of coming back because she said the guy in Lagos was fun to be with.

"I was shattered and I stopped calling her. But she had not stopped calling me. She spent more than five minutes talking to me, but she didn't talk about the broken relationship and sometimes, she sent platonic text messages. Really, I don't know why she called me. Knowing that I loved her, she knew I would readily accept her back, but why would Meg play on my emotions? Do I stop her from calling me or not?"

With Bitrus, 33, and Beatrice 26, everything came in a rush and they did all things with the speed of light. Bitrus says, "I was posted to Abuja on official duties and while trying to settle down, I met Beatrice, who was a civil servant," recalls Bitrus. "She was young and she helped me with whatever I went to do at the ministry.

"Because she spoke my language fluently, we became friends and I knew my way round the city, courtesy of her. Suddenly, we became lovers and neither wooed nor spoke to her on marriage, but I thought I was in love. I didn't have any time with other women because she was all over me. At work, she called, before I closed, she would have arrived and made sure we went home together.

"She packed her things to my place and assumed the role of a wife without any of our parents knowing. I couldn't travel to anywhere but was always with her. She put a check on who I called, who called me and went through my text messages. But I have discovered that she would run after men, close late from work and abandon me at home. She would feign pregnancies and after three months, would declare she had miscarriages. I have fallen in love with her and would not think of leaving her."