While I am not in the habit of listening in on people’s conversations, I couldn’t help with this amusing narrative told so vividly by the major dramatis personae. As it turned out, it was an objective lesson on the world of young ladies in dalliances with public officials and I am not sure I am sorry for overhearing. Okay, eavesdropping, if you will! The sophisticated hustler, the latest recipient of the goodwill of the Niger Delta governor in the habit of ‘assisting’ hustling young ladies, has a nice apartment in the Central District of Abuja. Though she has no apparent means of livelihood or even substantial inheritance, she only flies business class or first class. Apparently aware that big boys also fly business or first class, lady hustler decided a long time ago that it doesn’t make sense swimming in a pond while trying to catch whales. Happily, our dear narrator caught her whale on one of such trips from Abuja to Lagos and since then, she has been at His Excellency’s beck and call.
The first thing the governor does for recipients of his goodwill is have them tested for HIV/AIDS because he prefers riding unprotected. So, there is usually a waiting period when nothing happens until his doctor certifies the lady okay. Once the lady is endorsed by the good doctor, however, the doors of enjoyment are opened for her at the expense of the poor long-suffering masses of Mr Lover Boy’s rich, yet impoverished, state. She begins to see the world. He sends her to Dubai with a standard $10,000.00 and thereafter to the UK. If she rubs his big belly well enough on that trip and ministers well to him, she is rewarded with a trip to the US.
You are probably saying, “Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard this all before.” Well, I am happy to shock you as you’ve not heard what later transpired between the duo. His Excellency asked Her Royal Slutness to go down on her knees, not in the throes of sexual excitement, but as punishment for keeping him waiting for her at the hotel while she spent an afternoon in town with her friends.
He became mad because his wife, the First Lady, had sent him lunch and he had planned to share it with HRS, only to get back to the hotel and find she had gone AWOL. He got really mad, threatened to take the dollars he gave her earlier and kick her out. Mr Governor, who certainly doesn’t take nonsense from any quarters, eventually calmed down. But apart from that little misunderstanding, they have continued to live happily.
THIS STORY IS NOT ABOUT FUNKE AKINDELE
Comments