The etiquette of social networking
Expert advice on online manners.
Social networks like Facebook and MySpace have turned many social norms inside out. Your online friends may not be friends offline—and you may not be exactly whom you claim to be, either. How to approach strangers online, handle unwelcome solicitations, or make real friends out of virtual ones is stuff your parents probably never taught you. Here’s how etiquette experts would politely navigate the worlds of Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter.
Q: I’ve got a strict policy about “friending”: I invite only people I know well. And sometimes people they know. And occasionally complete strangers whose profiles sound cool. Is there anything wrong with that?
A: Overaggressive friending is the most common social-networking faux pas. After all, these networks were made to facilitate new connections.
Social media consultant Ariel Waldman says that it’s usually fine to friend people you don’t know just to make their acquaintance. “Otherwise you wouldn’t really be networking,” she says. But it depends on the service. Friending someone you don’t know on Dodgeball (a location-based service that lets you see other users who are physically nearby) is creepier than doing so on Twitter, which doesn’t give away users’ real-life locations.
In fact, Facebook and LinkedIn automatically suggest people you might know, based on whoever’s already in your network. In general, you should already have some kind of link to the person you want to meet—even if he or she is merely a friend of a friend—and a valid reason for making the connection.
Q: I’m scrupulously honest in most things, but my online profile—well, let’s just say it’s a best-case scenario. Am I required to be totally honest when describing myself?
A: It depends on what you mean by totally. A little embellishment may be OK, but stretch the truth too far, warns Samantha Von Sperling, director of Polished Social Image Consultants, and you’ll put your reputation at risk. The solution is to be honest—don’t edit your picture so you look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie—but selective about the information you share. For example, Facebook requires that you supply your birthday at signup. But you can hide it: in the Edit My Profile page’s Basic tab, select Don’t Show My Birthday In My Profile from the drop-down menu.
Don't want Facebook friends to know how old you really are? You can opt to hide your birthday.
“Saying I’m in my 30s when I’m 37 is fine,” Von Sperling says. “But it’s not OK to say I’m in my 20s. If I start lying about how old I am, how much money I make, or how much I weigh, sooner or later someone will find out and I will look like an idiot.”
Q: I’m getting friend requests from people I moved 3,000 miles to get away from. How do I tactfully decline their invitations?
A: The first rule of social networks is you’re never required to say yes.
“You can say ‘No thank you’ or simply not respond,” notes Claudia Caporal, an urban etiquette and lifestyle consultant in Miami. “Behavior that might be considered rude in person isn’t necessarily rude online.”
Of course, if you run into that person on the street or at your college reunion, you may have some explaining to do. “If they ask you whether you got their invitation, tell them that you don’t really spend that much time on Facebook anymore,” she says. “You can find a compromise answer that doesn’t hurt their feelings.”
A sneakier way to avoid unwelcome invitations is to accept the offer of friendship, and then quietly unfriend that person a few days later, says Kim Gregson, an assistant professor of communications at Ithaca College. On Facebook, go to your Friends list and click on the little x to the right of a name. No notification will be sent; you’ll simply disappear from that person’s network. If he or she notices and asks about it, plead ignorance. “If someone is following their list of friends that closely, you probably don’t want to be their friend anyway,” Gregson says.
Q: I’ve been using Facebook since college, so I have lots of friends and have posted lots of personal photos. Now I’ve got a job, and my office colleagues want to join my network. How do I keep my boss from seeing those old pictures of me dancing on a bar in a miniskirt and cowboy boots?
A: One way to handle the work-friend conundrum is to use a professionally oriented network such as LinkedIn for your work colleagues and a more casual one such as Facebook for everyone else.
Using Facebook's Professional Profile application, you can import professional contacts from LinkedIn into Facebook.
If your networks are mixed—if you have social contacts on LinkedIn or business colleagues on Facebook—and want to move someone from one network to the other, you can. Programs such as Professional Profile let you transfer personal contacts from LinkedIn to Facebook. Although LinkedIn doesn’t have similar tools, you can still add friends to your business network, either by importing their names from an online e-mail service, such as Gmail () or Yahoo Mail (), or by exporting them as a group from OS X’s Address Book and then uploading the resulting VCF file to LinkedIn. You can then delete them from Facebook.
The other option is to segregate friends within the same service. Start by selecting the Privacy link in the upper right corner of your Facebook home page, and then selecting Profile. In the Basic tab, select Edit Photo Albums Privacy Settings. Select a photo album, and, under Who Can See This?, select Customize. You can then decide who can and can’t see your photos.
Q: I’ve got accounts on Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, Friendster, Flickr, and Twitter, and I’ve recently started Plurking and Powncing. I only sleep three hours a night, yet my virtual buddies think I’m being rude because I’m not keeping up with them hourly. Help!
Using a service like Friendfeed, you can combine all your social networks in one interface.
A: While services like Friendfeed and OneSwirl can help you keep track of multiple social networks in one place, maybe you should instead step away from the keyboard.
The problem with social networks is that they can encourage you to shortchange people outside your virtual life, says Rabbi Shmuley Boteach (www.shmuley.com), author of The Broken American Male and host of the TLC series Shalom in the Home. “Should you be spending hours each day corresponding with some person you’ve never met?” asks Boteach (whose Facebook profile boasts more than 1,700 friends). “Maybe you should be cultivating more important relationships. With all this time you spend on social networks, who are you neglecting as a result?”
When not indiscriminately poking people on Facebook, Dan Tynan tends his blog, Tynan on Technology.
Editor's Note: For another take on the whole social-networking/etiquette thing, see Scholle Sawyer McFarland's The social graces of social networking.
by Dan Tynan, Macworld.com
Sep 30, 2008 2:15 pm
Naga Naresh Karutura has just passed out of IIT Madras
in Computer Science and has joined Google in Bangalore .
You may ask, what's so special about this 21-year-old when there are
hundreds of students passing out from various IITs and joining big companies like Google?
Naresh is special. His parents are illiterate.
He has no legs and moves around in his powered wheel chair.
(In fact, when I could not locate his lab, he told me over the mobile phone, 'I will come and pick you up'.
And in no time, he was there to guide me)
Ever smiling, optimistic and full of spirit; that is Naresh.
He says, 'God has always been planning things for me. That is why I feel I am lucky.'
Read why Naresh feels he is lucky.
Childhood in a village
I spent the first seven years of my life in Teeparru,
a small village in Andhra Pradesh,
on the banks of the river Godavari.
My father Prasad was a lorry driver and my mother Kumari, a house wife.
Though they were illiterate, my parents instilled in me
and my elder sister (Sirisha) the importance of studying..
Looking back, one thing that surprises me now is
the way my father taught me when I was in the 1st and 2nd standards.
My father would ask me questions from the text book, and I would answer them.
At that time, I didn't know he could not read or write but to make me happy, he helped me in my studies!
Another memory that doesn't go away is the floods
in the village and how I was carried on top of a buffalo by my uncle.
I also remember plucking fruits from a tree that was full of thorns.
I used to be very naughty, running around and playing all the time with my friends.
I used to get a lot of scolding for disturbing the elders who slept in the afternoon.
The moment they started scolding, I would run away to the fields!
I also remember finishing my school work fast in class and sleeping on the teacher's lap!
January 11, 1993, the fateful day
On the January 11, 1993 when we had the sankranti holidays,
my mother took my sister and me to a nearby village for a family function.
From there we were to go with our grandmother to our native place.
But my grandmother did not come there.
As there were no buses that day, my mother took a lift in my father's friend's lorry.
As there were many people in the lorry, he made me sit next to him, close to the door.
It was my fault; I fiddled with the door latch and it opened wide throwing me out.
As I fell, my legs got cut by the iron rods protruding from the lorry.
Nothing happened to me except scratches on my legs.
The accident had happened just in front of a big private hospital
but they refused to treat me saying it was an accident case.
Then a police constable who was passing by took us to a government hospital.
First I underwent an operation as my small intestine got twisted.
The doctors also bandaged my legs.
I was there for a week.
When the doctors found that gangrene had developed
and it had reached up to my knees,
they asked my father to take me to a district hospital.
There, the doctors scolded my parents a lot for neglecting the wounds
and allowing the gangrene to develop.
But what could my ignorant parents do?
In no time, both my legs were amputated up to the hips.
I remember waking up and asking my mother, where are my legs?
I also remember that my mother cried when I asked the question.
I was in the hospital for three months.
Life without legs
I don't think my life changed dramatically after I lost both my legs.
Because all at home were doting on me,
I was enjoying all the attention rather than pitying myself.
I was happy that I got a lot of fruits and biscuits
The day I reached my village, my house was flooded with curious people;
all of them wanted to know how a boy without legs looked.
But I was not bothered;
I was happy to see so many of them coming to see me, especially my friends!
All my friends saw to it that I was part of all the games they played;
they carried me everywhere.
I believe in God. I believe in destiny.
I feel he plans everything for you. If not for the accident,
we would not have moved from the village to Tanuku, a town.
There I joined a missionary school, and my father built a house next to the school.
Till the tenth standard, I studied in that school.
If I had continued in Teeparu, I may not have studied after the 10th.
I may have started working as a farmer or someone like that
after my studies.
I am sure God had other plans for me.
My sister, my friend
When the school was about to reopen, my parents moved from Teeparu to Tanuku,
a town, and admitted both of us in a Missionary school.
They decided to put my sister also in the same class
though she is two years older.
They thought she could take care of me if both of us were in the same class.
My sister never complained.
She would be there for everything.
Many of my friends used to tell me, you are so lucky to have such a loving sister.
There are many who do not care for their siblings.
She carried me in the school for a few years
and after a while, my friends took over the task.
When I got the tricycle, my sister used to push me around in the school.
My life, I would say, was normal,
as everyone treated me like a normal kid..
I never wallowed in self-pity.
I was a happy boy and competed with others to be on top
and the others also looked at me as a competitor.
I was inspired by two people when in school; my Maths teacher Pramod Lal
who encouraged me to participate in various local talent tests,
and a brilliant boy called Chowdhary, who was my senior.
When I came to know that he had joined Gowtham Junior College
to prepare for IIT-JEE, it became my dream too.
I was school first in 10th scoring 542/600.
Because I topped in the state exams,
Gowtham Junior College waived the fee for me. Pramod Sir's recommendation also helped.
The fee was around Rs 50,000 per year,
which my parents could never afford.
Moving to a residential school
Living in a residential school was a big change for me because
till then my life centred around home and school
and I had my parents and sister to take care of all my needs.
It was the first time that I was interacting with society.
It took one year for me to adjust to the new life.
There, my inspiration was a boy called K K S Bhaskar
who was in the top 10 in IIT-JEE exams.
He used to come to our school to encourage us.
Though my parents didn't know anything about Gowtham Junior School or IIT,
they always saw to it that I was encouraged in whatever I wanted to do.
If the results were good, they would praise me to the skies and if bad,
they would try to see something good in that. They did not want me to feel bad.
They are such wonderful supportive parents.
Life at IIT- Madras
Though my overall rank in the IIT-JEE was not that great (992),
I was 4th in the physically handicapped category.
So, I joined IIT, Madras to study Computer Science.
Here, my role model was Karthik who was also my senior in school.
I looked up to him during my years at IIT- Madras.
He had asked for attached bathrooms for those with special needs before I came here itself.
So, when I came here, the room had attached bath.
He used to help me and guide me a lot when I was here..
I evolved as a person in these four years, both academically and personally.
It has been a great experience studying here.
The people I was interacting with were so brilliant
that I felt privileged to sit along with them in the class.
Just by speaking to my lab mates, I gained a lot.
Words are inadequate to express my gratitude to Prof Pandurangan and all my lab mates; all were simply great.
I was sent to Boston along with four others for our internship by Prof Pandurangan. It was a great experience.
Joining Google R&D
I did not want to pursue PhD as I wanted my parents to take rest now.
Morgan Stanley selected me first but I preferred Google
because I wanted to work in pure computer science, algorithms and game theory.
I am lucky
Do you know why I say I am lucky?
I get help from total strangers without me asking for it.
Once after my second year at IIT, I with some of my friends was travelling in a train for a conference.
We met a kind gentleman called Sundar in the train,
and he has been taking care of my hostel fees from then on.
I have to mention about Jaipur foot.
I had Jaipur foot when I was in 3rd standard.
After two years, I stopped using them.
As I had almost no stems on my legs, it was very tough to tie them to the body.
I found walking with Jaipur foot very, very slow.
Sitting also was a problem.
I found my tricycle faster because I am one guy
who wants to do things faster.
One great thing about the hospital is,
they don't think their role ends by just fixing the Jaipur foot;
they arrange for livelihood for all.
They asked me what help I needed from them.
I told them at that time, if I got into an IIT, I needed financial help from them.
So, from the day I joined IIT, Madras ,
my fees were taken care of by them.
So, my education at the IIT was never a burden on my parents
and they could take care of my sister's Nursing studies.
Surprise awaited me at IIT
After my first year, when I went home,
two things happened here at the Institute without my knowledge.
I got a letter from my department
that they had arranged a lift and ramps at the department for me.
It also said that if I came a bit early and checked
whether it met with my requirements, it would be good.
Second surprise was, the Dean, Prof Idichandy
and the Students General Secretary, Prasad
had located a place that sold powered wheel chairs.
The cost was Rs 55,000.
What they did was, they did not buy the wheel chair;
they gave me the money so that the wheel chair belonged to me and not the institute.
My life changed after that.
I felt free and independent.
That's why I say I am lucky.
God has planned things for me and takes care of me at every step.
The world is full of good people
I also feel if you are motivated and show some initiative,
people around you will always help you.
I also feel there are more good people in society than bad ones.
I want all those who read this to feel that if
Naresh can achieve something in life, you can too.
wetin dey happen !
Yes it has been a while !
but bcos of the love we have for all of you !
We still dey kampe
and we are back !
ok, watsgwan ?
Main news is that we are thinking about a run off activity till christmas and we have the:
1. 9jabook bigbroda
2. The 9 Faktor just like American idol or the british X factor .
We are looking for talented 9jabookers.If you can sing dance rap or do something that gives you that
niger.ian 9 faktor then email us now for auditions !
but na here the yawa dey ! so help us and vote on the home page !
Now to something Hott !
We are launching our Nairabook website Next week the hottest moni making online network in 9ja right
This will be our contribution towards you making money for you ! dis one is purely to make money, no toasting of babes o!
Sorry, it is strictly by invitation or recommendation for now .
We have affiliated with strategic entities like the mighty google. Ebay ! huhuonline
,sendquicker ,SAP business one,Ubuntu Linux ,tradepub.com an online affiliate magazine service and
many more ! watchout for details soon !
It will also feature:
1. an auction/shopping site 9jabay You can now shop on ebay ! and recieve your goods in niger.ia
2.The reverse venture capitalist project is purely for people that want to learn how to employ
themselves legitimately on the net doing what they like best!
3.Training worth not less than 2000pounds !Learn the intricacies of trading online
, on ebay,dhgate . Get access to Salehoo and worldwidebrands the top Wholesalers in the business
Also, IT ,Accounting,Medical and virtually any Course on earth! taught online or via CD rom
by Nig.erians speaking your language !
There is a lot more but then goto 9jabook ! the hottest soxl network in 9ja right now and for
number one in soXl ,number one in moni
gongo aso that !
An elderly ijebu woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."
thinking about it ? about yourself your failures ? Think again !
Ahhh..TGIF..Man fit relax..went for som exclusive dinner wit Freddie Jackson...(Rock me tonite..for old times sake crooner) It was a very intimate settin..Eko Hotel Presidential suite Penthouse... see how Lagos fine from dat side ehnn.. a false sense of peace...got to speak wiv d man, took som pics..deleted dem cos i felt i could take beta one..got distracted..n missed d other opportunities..Twas ok sha.. my friend for d date came lookin stunnin..make she no com dis page oh! cos her head go big die.. Then we did Debonairs...Soul Lounge...n ran outta steam..lets see how today goes
Just fooling around..My names Ochefu..from the food basket state..Texas to be exact...n so n so n so ..saw dis site on a Facebook link n thot to myself..make my naija person de do dis kind thing make some pepper for house n in dat thot..i got here n signed up..its been cool so far..n we r just startin d journey to somtin dat should turn out great.. Oh dis is supposed to be a blog..som kinda diary abi...let see..i'm an Abuja made Project Mgr..currently runnin som contracts in Eko da Zungle..aka..Lagos..so i'm kinda like a fish outta his element..but its been fun so far..hard fun dat is..dis town harsh..but pepper rest here..to be continued..
Spammers n scammers are not allowed on 9jabook o !
Anyone who gives their phone number online does so at their own risk !
Rankings system ! The more you do on 9jabook the more you go up in the rankings ! login to cee yr ranking !
! Of course I am the No 1 guy !
If anyone can beat my ranking by monday I will give you
100pounds! try me !
please dont bother, i virtually live on 9jabook ! lol !
Also We have a who is online banner, and now you can
holla or na halla the whole 9jabook family members at
Other new additions:
and many many more !
Our Oldskool Videos week starts Next week .So upload all
your old skool videos on the videos or tv section from youtube!
We will vote for the best old skool BEFORE year 2000 !
am sure dem neva born some of una then ! lol ! The
winner becomes number 4 in the 9jabook big broda
E REMAIN 6 !
ok na let us Now get down into another underground
Basket mouth one leak o !
one of our members is piloting the first online Private
Investigation Company in Nig.eria. !
It is a very very big secret .shhhhhhhhhhh ! no talk
say i tell you o ! All those cheaters out there , time
is up !
Plus This secret company is also offering free training
(worth 500pounds GBP) to the first five applicants that
are approved to join the team ! Goto groups and look for
Naija Cheaters ! Thank you !
I hear there is huge market in naija o ! lol !
ok to more serious issues.
No forget today is the anniversary of a tragedy that
shook the world so waka small small and thank God for
his mercies and blessings ! God bless America and God
Bless Ni.geria 1000 times (we need am !)
no long thing !
webOga aka shrekkie JB
Abi John Balogun
for 9jabook team
Hi 9jabookers !
kini big deal 9jabook ? someone was asking me yesterday .
ok here it is !
we are not all about socialising. we are also about education,business and trade !
We are Testing ! the following sites ! which you will also own subject to rules and regulations !but no worry they are not strict !
Sites are :
ok, like ebay but 4 niger.ians . Finally a way to buy stuff on ebay from Nige.ria and a way to buy and sell your stuff in ni.geria.we use sendquicker.com for payment.
the open university site free video lectures on almost everything ! We are looking for Deans and lecturers ! You dont have to go to university no more ! i just dey joke o !
the encycleopedia site well it is time we had an ecncycleopedia for nige.ria or what do you think ?
www.ojoojoo.com ! wetin be dat ? google nigerian sites only !
coming soon !
www.ask9ja.com (figure that out yourself !)
www.9jaX.com ( this site is the future of special effects in nollywood movies check out maya training on www.9jageeks.com)
so now u know kini big deal 9jabook, now you know !
to your success
9jabook Team (dat is You ! and I )
oti so !
no be beans
no be moi moi
na so we dey do
power to the people !
searching for the Nigeri.an dream .