Demola Adegbile met Olufunmi between 1980 and 1981, when she accompanied her friend to visit his flatmate. "I remember telling her that she looked like someone I want to spend the rest of my life with," he says. "If that's love at first sight, then, that's it."
But it definitely wasn't love at first sight for her.
"I didn't want to marry initially because the women in most marriages around me then had been brutalized, traumatized and suffering." However, she believed in friendship and wanted to have fun with him. Eventually, she changed her mind after finding out that he was "trustworthy, open-minded, sincere and caring". "Always, we talked about everything and I looked forward to being with him, so when he proposed, I couldn't resist saying, yes," she says.
Mrs Adegbile adds that her husband didn't initially have much money. "It was a bit tight," she says. But since money was not her focus, she contented herself with his numerous good qualities. "I cut down my taste as a single lady," she says. Prior to then, she had led an expensive life that included downing her lunch with a bottle of wine. Mr Adegbile was able to convince her that a bottle of Coke would do just as well until things got better. "He worked on me to help me see that the future was bright," she says.
Tough Times
The couple admit that they have had issues like other couples, but that they tried not to display anything in public because they wanted to maintain the image of a happy couple. For example, Mrs Adegbile confesses that her mindset of not wanting to be "under" any man initially affected their marriage.
"Being strong-willed," she says, "I always argued and wanted to have my way in any discussion." This often led her husband to switch off for days. She decided to change when she observed what she described as the "not palatable" result of always insisting on her way of doing things.
Mr Adegbile adds that they experienced other issues, the kind that come with two people with different backgrounds living together. "For example," he says, "she likes to sleep with the lights on and I don't."
Relationship Tips
Friendship is the first ingredient that Mr Adegbile ascribes their long-lasting union to. "At the time we met, I wasn't looking for a wife," he says. "When friends get married, they last longer." In addition, he set his mind on getting married only once and staying there. "Knowing that I couldn't leave made me try to make it work," he said.
Mrs Adegbile adds that communication is essential. "Keeping a secret is out of it. It kills the marriage."
"Our friendship makes it easier for me to communicate with my wife," Mr Adegbile says. "No matter what issues come, you can always resolve it," he says, adding that, every month, he took his wife out and they both wrote a list of things they didn't like about each other and talked about ways to tackle issues. Along the line, their lists started decreasing until they eventually disappeared, he says.
Staying Sweet
The couple say that they have never used sex as a weapon against each other. "I have a healthy sex life with my husband," Mrs Adegbile says. "Sex is not just having intercourse. Romance is the major part of sex." She adds that her husband prepares her for the "golden moment". He starts to make moves hours before the time. The inception of GSM and Blackberry, etc, have made things sweeter, she says, as they send "sweet nothings" to each other in advance.
"I call him ‘Sweet' because he is so sweet," she says. Her husband also calls her Sweet.
"Marry your friend," is the advice Mrs Adegbile has for singles. "Be open. A friend helps you have someone to share your life with."
"Loads of ladies and guys look out for husbands and wives in a way that is equivalent to getting another piece of furniture," Mr Adegbile says. "Marry your soul mate."
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