It was a scene. Everyone was stunned; the unexpected had happened.
As the man and his bride were just about to be joined, at the Ikorodu Registry, his legally married wife stepped in with her lawyer and spoilt the show.
According to Toyin Ajao, who witnessed what happened in late January, Patience Balogun [not her real name] got a phone call from an anonymous caller who claimed that she [Mrs Balogun] had helped her in the past. The faceless caller told Patience that her husband, who had left the house that night on pretext of going to see somebody, was planning to get married to another woman the next day. The caller also gave details of location and time.
After this life shaking call, Mrs Balogun quickly contacted her mother and other family members who advised her to contact a lawyer, with whom she mapped out a strategy of handling the situation.
The action
While the strategy to foil the wedding plans is ongoing, Mr Balogun with his new bride were at the door of the court, waiting to be called in by the judge when his phone rang. It was Mrs. Balogun, his wife. They spoke for a while, and then he signed off with the usual ,“I love you and will see you soon.” Unknowingly to him, Mrs Balogun was downstairs in the compound, with their two daughters, her lawyer, her mother, and a few friends and family, watching him all the while. Shortly after, the ‘couple-to-be’ were called in, but Mrs Balogun and her crew remained outside, waiting for the right moment.
Just as the magistrate was about to pronounce Mr. Balogun and his bride, husband and wife, the lawyer walked in, armed with the first wedding certificate and asked the magistrate to stop the wedding. Mrs. Balogun and the others followed.
After looking at the wedding certificate, the magistrate stopped the wedding with the whole courtroom in disarray. Mrs Balogun, who was visibly furious, walked up to her dazed husband and gave him multiple slaps until he was moved to where she could not reach him. To the amazement of some on-lookers, she made no advances at the disappointed bride, who was quickly taken away from the scene in a car.
“There were lots of people who gave their confused, traditionally tainted and reasonable opinions about the shocking issue. Many felt Mrs. Balogun should have allowed the husband to wed the ‘other woman’ and then sue him for bigamy. Some felt she should have organised for people to beat the hell out of the husband” said Ms. Ajao, a women’s right and gender activist, who was at the magistrate to secure the release of her female friend from prison.
“I really commended the lady for what she did. So many women will not be brave enough to come to the court and stop the wedding, so they will allow their rights to be trampled upon. Some will say he is the man so what can I do. So because he is the man, the woman should just take rubbish. In my opinion, she would have let them get married then sue for bigamy. If my husband does that, I will divorce him and I will sue him for bigamy.”
General Awareness
According to Kate Ibeanusi, the programme officer, at Project Alert, a non-governmental organisation that is focused on protecting women rights said women in Lagos are generally getting more aware of their rights and more willing to enforce them. “I can say women are getting more aware of their rights. Today we have more women who are willing to talk about abuses they face in their marriages and they come to report. But then, some will start up the process, after sometime you won’t see them again and when you call them, they will say, ‘‘actually what happened is that he came and begged me. I think he has changed.’ And we ask them are you sure he has changed? What happens a lot of time is that some months later the same women will come back to us to talk about spousal abuse,” she said.
“The problem really is that a lot of men still have the mentality that women are just pieces of furniture; when you are tired of them you dump them somewhere and go for another one. Generally, we do not intervene in marriages without the consent of the couple. If a woman reports to us, we will call the husband to get his own side of the story then we talk to both of them together, then we will advise them on what to do. We have seen cases where after talking they conclude that they can no longer live together. They will decide on divorce. In cases where there is threat to life, we advise the women to leave the house.” In accordance with African culture, families usually play vital roles in troubled marriages.
Family meetings are usually convened to settle such matters when they arise. However, Ms. Ibeanusi said families are often not able to properly resolve issues of abuse in marriages. “Are families really playing roles well? Or are they busy taking sides? I have a brother. If she has a problem with his wife, it is easy for me to side my brother against his wife and so also her family will take sides with her. So at the end the day, all they will be doing is shifting blames” she said.
According Ben Ode, a lawyer with Project Alert, a man marrying another woman when he is still legally married, is bigamy, and it is a criminal offence with seven years imprisonment as punishment. He though it also applies to church and traditional marriages, the major setback is that it is difficult to prove in court.
When NEXT visited Mrs. Balogun about two weeks after her brave act, she said she has settled with her husband and was no longer willing to talk to the press.
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